Mediocre Stacy lost her beloved Mediocre cat, Paws, on April 15th. He was at my side, on my side, on my lap, under my feet, on my head, licking my armpits, chewing on my hair, puking on my carpet, for almost 16 years. There was no greater pet for this gal, and she suffered some very serious grief because of it. I’ll be back posting at some point. Losing a loved one, and yes a pet can be a loved one, makes you examine your life and how you want to spend it. I’m catching up on some work and some projects, but will return soon. Thanks for clicking on this site.

I hope all, Mediocres and Supers alike, had a delightful Easter weekend. Holidays are fabulous, because Mediocres are not excluded from them.

I recognized recently that I’ve gone to great lengths to help Mediocres identify Supers when they’re out and about, yet have entirely neglected the easiest ways to spot our fellow Mediocres. Having this ability can assist us when we are in need of finding one of our own.

Below is a top nine list that I didn’t place much effort into compiling.

9) Nose picking in public. This falls almost exclusively to the male gender in Mediocres. No woman, Mediocre or Super, would consider picking her nose publicly. Most often this can be witnessed while you’re driving. Mediocre men, for whatever reason, believe that it’s mandatory to pick their nose while behind the wheel.

8 ) Women who buy their own flowers. Sometimes, sadly, delivered to them with the *self-flowering* method. Mediocre women usually only receive flowers as a gift if they’re *I’m sorry* flowers. And I’ll tell you, no woman wants *I’m sorry* flowers.

7) Parents/children who utilize the public school system. A Super parent rarely subjects their child to this public institution. When it does happen, it’s usually done by the parent to prepare their child for an adult world that would require the harnessing of Mediocres to propel themselves further in a career field. The variances in the two become more evident upon graduation when a child enrolls in either a community college or a university. Mediocre children most often begin their higher education at the community college level.

6) One hyphenated word. Wal-Mart.

5) Anyone who takes advantage of the opportunities available through their community resource/recreation center. Be it team sports, aerobics, swim lessons or foreign language classes; only Mediocres will take this avenue.

4) One acronym. NASCAR.

3) Google Plus users. Not many know this, but Mark Zuckerberg, himself a Super, sought a Mediocre cleansing of Facebook, and INITIATED the development of Google Plus to try and lure Mediocres elsewhere. The problem with his plan, Mediocres aren’t *in the know*, and had no knowledge of a new social platform. Believe it or not, there are some Mediocres who still use AOL. I know, I know; it’s shocking.

2) A handicapped individual who refuses to park in a handicap space. Because our country *claims* equality for all, it cannot discriminate against handicapped individuals. BUT, when a Mediocre receives a permit to park in a reserved spot, they receive additional instruction on how those spaces are meant for only handicapped Supers. Quite often you will see someone park in a handicap spot without the required permit. Those people are able bodied Supers, and are NEVER ticketed for this supposed violation. This is the dirty underside of government favoritism towards Supers.

1) And the number one way to spot a fellow Mediocre, anyone you see reading a Nicholas Sparks book. A Super would never lower themselves to read such dribble. The interesting twist on this, is that it’s perfectly acceptable in Super circles to see a movie based upon one of his books. This is something I am still analyzing. If I come to a conclusion, I will post on it.

I hope this list helps. And if there’s anything that any of you Mediocres can add, I would appreciate it. We’re surviving our destiny, one day at a time.

My contribution for Good Friday, is to once again, educate Mediocres who strive for Superism. Last week we covered Nadya Suleman, the Octo-Pussy who brought an additional fourteen Mediocre children into the world. The effects were devastating to our half-assed enclave. As a Mediocre, it is my responsibility, it is your responsibility, to act preemptively when we see a fellow Mediocre taking the wrong path.

As I was writing of Suleman last week, across the pond, Mediocres are having to deal with one of their own attempting Superism. Mediocre, Samantha Brick, is stunning the uncool crowd with her warped reality. Here’s an example of the rubbish she’s attempting to pass off as Superism:

“I’m tall, slim, blonde and, so I’m often told, a good-looking woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being pretty – the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.”

AND . . .

In the second article she appeared to be almost eagerly fanning the flames of outrage, throwing this can of petrol on the fire: “Yes, I have cried on and off all day. But do I regret my article? Not at all. I’m know I’m risking the wrath of the online community once more, but there is an irony to yesterday,” she wrote.

“While I was tearfully dealing with the emails and calls outside the supermarket, a young man approached me, offered to park my car and even get me a coffee. He could see I was having a tough time – and yes, my looks had helped me out again.

“While I’ve been shocked and hurt by the global condemnation, I have just this to say: my detractors have simply proved my point. Their level of anger only underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman.”

In the original article Brick claimed the proof that all those other woman are jealous is that she has never been asked to be a bridesmaid, presumably because she is so much more attractive than everyone around her.

Read the entire article here, with many better than Mediocre comments.

Picture was swiped from here.

Read the attention she’s now receiving from the US media.

But Samantha Brick is nothing new. Mediocre Stacy remembers one such gal from some years back who attempted to pull the same stunt. Jaqueline Mackie Paisley Passey. Say that five times fast!!! I remember jumping on the Mediocre bandwagon BITD, publicly accosting her on my then, VERY popular site. You know, before social media killed blogs.

Here is a sample of what she posted about herself:

“I am a very high-quality woman. I know that sounds arrogant, but let’s consider the facts:

* I’m slim (whereas 62% of American women age 20 to 74 are overweight)
* I’m attractive (my new picture has been rated more attractive than 86% of the women on Hot or Not — and the women who upload their pictures are a self-selected sample that is probably already biased towards being more attractive than the general female population)
* I’m relatively young (whereas 82% of American adult women are over 30 years old)
* I’m intelligent (IQ tested at 145 when I was a child, which is 3 standard deviations above the mean — higher than 99.85% of the population. Even if I’ve gotten dumber as I’ve aged I’m probably still at least a 130, which is higher than 97.5% of the population.)
* I’m educated (whereas 77% of American women do not have bachelor’s degrees)
* I have my financial shit together (no debt, perfect credit history, 6+ months living expenses saved, adequate insurance, self employed)
* I have a strong libido and love having sex (my lover *never* has to beg, unless it’s for me to let him get some sleep!)
* Most of my interests tend to be more popular with men than women: science fiction, libertarianism, blogging, politics, economics, guns, gambling, etc.”

And lets look at a picture of the lovely, Ms. Passey.

Yes, she indeed is a looker. Ahem.

These quotes, the picture, and an entire phabulous article can be found here.

Now, Mediocre Stacy knows she’s easy on the eyes. BUT it’s not something that I define myself by. As I like to say:

**We’re all just one car accident away from having to wear a bicycle helmet for the rest of our lives.**

Every human, and especially Mediocres, should have a healthy level of humility and self-loathing. It’s keeps us from getting, too big for our britches, so to speak. Ms. Passey and Ms. Brick are two Mediocre peas attempting to move into an upper, east side, pod. Unfortunately for both of these women, these women who believe they’re devastatingly desirable, they are at best, attractive. Attractive in that dark bar, right before closing time, kind of way.

I would strongly suggest to both of these women, that the one thing that would make them less ugly, is to alter their personality. You don’t normally see such an ugly inside on a Mediocre. Years of working to accept your Mediocrity, forces us to self-demote and not develop an inflated sense of self. The parents of these two obviously failed raising their daughters to understand and accept the Mediocre Caste System.

I’m here to help, people. We must increase our Mediocre awareness. We must muzzle individuals like these two. Next week I will address ways to spot Mediocres in public. Make sure you come back, take notes if need be, and maybe one Mediocre at a time, we can make a slight difference in this world.

Praises to Al Gore, PBOH, the interwebz front man. For without him, lessons to the masses in Superism and Mediocrity, could not be obtained. Now, now; I know he didn’t *invent* the internet, but he created a pathway for it’s ability to reach from sea to shining sea. But I digress . . .

Now, if say you or I were to become a little overweight, we take the Mediocre path of diet and exercise to bring ourselves to a healthier state. If you pay close attention, you will notice that weight loss programs, although often give the appearance of targeting Supers in the use of celebrities, are really shooting for us Mediocres. The choices are endless, and really do work if you’re faithful to them.

I was slightly shocked when I saw, ONLINE, that a person who I have always thought seemed like a neat gal, gained most of her weight back after a gastric bypass procedure. She has once again, gone under the knife to address her weight issues. The second surgery was a lap band insertion. This person? One, Carnie Wilson.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I’m not entirely sure, but I’m beginning to believe that weight puts itself back on a Super. Take me for example. If I gain weight, I can ALWAYS attribute it to the fact that I ate some things I shouldn’t have, or maybe I wasn’t working out enough. That whole cause and effect thing. This video of Ms. Wilson tells me that the bodies of a Super are different. She lost 150 pounds after her first surgery, but somehow, 100 of it came back. Maybe it’s the fat’s fault. Lonely, homeless out on the streets . . . it couldn’t handle the hardknock life, so it worked itself back into Ms. Wilson’s person. Why wouldn’t it? She’s adorable and seems like a fun person to be around.

If this happened to a Mediocre, our health insurance provider would strongly recommend psychiatric counsel, rather than surgical procedures. I guess Supers are so Super, that eating or starving their emotions is acceptable in Super Circles. That is a crazy, upside down world those Supers have to live in. Gosh.

Mediocre Stacy knows a little bit about eating disorders, having struggled with anorexia off and on for 20 years. She can personally attest that addressing what lies deep down inside does more good for a person’s health and well being more than any surgery. But I doubt any Super will listen. I am, after all, just a Mediocre.

I found another example of the abilities of Supers.  Only a Super could train a CAT, nor would a cat like this be caught dead with someone like you or I.  I am once again wowed by how Super a Super really is.

This is my pride and joy, Ginger. Ginger spends a lot of time licking double sided tape. Ginger is our “special” kitty. I don’t know if a Super would ever allow a “special” in their home. I guess there’s a place for all of God’s creatures, and Ginger’s just happens to be in my Mediocre household.

p.s. I’m so sorry I wasted a minute and 38 seconds of your life.

As I’ve pointed out several times, like here, here, here, here and several others, Supers are born, not made.  It is imperative that we Mediocre parents properly instruct and raise our children in the ways of Mediocrity.

When this goes awry, the consequences are devastating to the Mediocre Community.  Any headway that had been made in regards to Equality, are tossed aside like an expired vending machine sandwich.  Although I find this subject painful, it needs to be discussed.  Discussed for you, discussed for me, and those who are contemplating a similar stunt.

Enter one Nadya Suleman.  A Mediocre by birth, at some point she got it into her head that she wanted to be a Super.  There was really only one thing Suleman was good at, in-vitro fertilization.  So she decided to run with that talent at an extreme level, in order to gain Superism.  As we all know, this attempt ended tragically for her, and her children.  Her efforts did not yield the Super credibility she desired.  No Super contracts, no Super reality show based upon her life (in the US, there was one that aired in the UK). She instead ended up destitute, filing for bankruptcy and in need of social support programs.  Alas, a Mediocre bearing fourteen children did nothing for her social standing.

But my friends, this extreme example of a Mediocre attempting Superism, grows worse.  Recently, Ms. Suleman did a nude photo shoot.  NSFWOH.  Desperate for funds and one last shot to attain Superism, she sold her body for $10,000.  With fourteen children, that amount of money, if properly managed, will feed them for about six months.  I fear any future acts Ms. Suleman might attempt in order to feed them for the six months after that.  I fear we will again be subjected to nude pictures of Suleman.  Perhaps engaged in acts of bestiality, or hot dog eating contests.

My Mediocre comrades, please take a moment to consider this story.  Consider the impact on society when one of us chooses to maneuver ourselves to Superism.  It doesn’t work.  All it does do is make us look even less credible.  We fight hard to maintain a place in society, the acts of individuals like Suleman does devastating damage to our survival.

Mediocre Stacy does not like to beg linking her site.  But this post is different.  Please share with your Mediocre friends.  This post can serve like those meth billboards we all see.  If we can work to alter the course of just one Mediocre attempting Superism, then the linking will be worth it.

HAT TIP:
***Photo totally swiped from TMZ. I love TMZ. ‘Cept for that narrator/voice guy who does the nightly show. He’s gotta be a Mediocre.***

Wow. For real people, I now know that celebrities are indeed Supers. I guess it was safe to assume it. After all, they have Super hair, Super skin, Super bodies, attend Super events, go to Super rehabs and have Super divorces.

This is actress Alicia Silverstone regurgitating into her child’s mouth. Now the only question I have is, will she eat vomit off the carpet as well?

There are no other words here, having thrown up a little in my own mouth.

I like what TMZ had to say about it.

Now, Mediocre Stacy does not to like to link news stories. I gotta draw the line somewhere. But this one really popped out at me. Mostly because I believe it to be a proper case study of Supers. We’ll discuss below the story.

If you’re pregnant there are a million different things to consider: names for your baby, a color scheme for the nursery, whether or not you will breastfeed exclusively, and increasingly—how to prepare the placenta. Yes, my gestating friends, many of your contemporaries are adding “consume placenta” to the list of your maternal duties. Mad Men star January Jones swears by a hearty serving of placenta. She told theTelegraph, “We’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”

Sacramento pediatrician Dr. Melissa Arca says that while there are no reliable studies that prove the maternal benefits of eating one’s placenta, the anecdotal evidence is abundant. “Mothers who believe in this practice report benefits such as a decrease in postpartum depression symptoms, an increase in breast milk production, and an increase in energy.”

Setting aside the general “eww”-factor for a moment, I have some questions. Such as, how does one go about preparing a placenta? Grilled and then dressed in a delicate béarnaise sauce? Thinly sliced and added to your favorite stir-fry recipe? Ground placenta burgers with cheese made from breast milk? Are you supposed to grace others with your bounty of placenta? If so, how many does an average placenta feed? And is it appropriate to serve appetizer portions or full entrees? Short of a book on placental etiquette, I’m not sure the lay-mother is qualified to host such a party.

A cottage industry has evolved to facilitate the easy consumption of the human placenta, eliminating all the icky cannibal stuff. Placentas are freeze-dried, turned into powder, and put into capsule form so they can be taken with your morning multi-vitamin. That’s what January Jones did. Jones told People magazine that she uses her placenta vitamins to fight exhaustion. I applaud her use of natural sources of energy, especially in Hollywood where she no doubt has access to many less wholesome substances to boost her mood and metabolism. However, the veracity of the placenta industry claims remains largely unproven.

Read the whole story here.

Oh yeah, I posted a picture of a human placenta for your viewing pleasure. Having my three children, eating my own placenta was never a consideration. But it occurred to me reading this story, that perhaps that’s because I’m a Mediocre. Never having actually watched the show Mad Men, I can’t identify Ms. Jones as a Super. BUT, being that she is a celebrity, and she looks absolutely adorable post womb fruit, I’ll make the assumption that she is. If we run with that theory, then I guess the logical conclusion is that Supers can get away with eating their own placenta. One can only imagine the type of trouble you or I would have consuming one. Thankfully I had my baby maker disconnected, and will never struggle with this decision.

My guess is you would serve it up with fava beans and a nice chianti.